The Pez Dispenser Friend
To Be Honest---Pez Girls Deserve More
Pez Dispenser Friend is a term I coined fifteen years ago while talking with another friend. She was tired of always being the one others went to. The one who got the calls, the begging, the whining. She was pouring out, and few asked how she was. Did she have any needs?
Simply put, she was a Pez Dispenser.
How do I know?
Because I, too, am a (mostly former) Pez Dispenser Friend.
How does it work?
Make contact with me.
Watch me pour out.
Leave me when you get what you want.
Thankfully, my life is full these days, and my circle is tight and true. I’ve also reached the age and stage where if I feel an acquaintance is coming at me with a Pez agenda, I have a choice. I can pour out or put up healthy boundaries.
Why am I sharing this today?
I was part of a prayer time that focused on the Pez Dispenser Friend. The women who give and give while the others take and take. We’re tired of seeing women who have so much to offer and long for something mutual be approached time after time for a short-term offering that only benefits the other. The Pez girls are the go-to for vents/processing/whining sessions. But invites to events and girl hangs? Or little surprise gifts just because? Those perks escape the Pez Dispenser friend. And dang it, it’s not fair.
When one Pez Girl recognizes another, our weary, rejected hearts beat for the other.
I come by the Pez Dispenser Friendship honestly. When my mom passed, I was told that there are two types of people. Givers and takers. And my mom, came the declaration, was a giver.
Boy was she.
So takers, why are you out of balance?
Do you notice that only one person consistently talks in your vents/processing/yap sessions? Do you ever look the other in the eye and wonder, “Hey, how are you doing?” For all the times they show up with a little gift just because, do you think one time, you’re going to surprise them with something kind?
For years, I dreamed of getting the invites. When I got one, even my husband said this is it. It’s time for me to have new doors where I can give and take. I came home in tears. I learned I was the fourth ask for that night out. I was invited because the other three declined.
Today, I bristle at invites because I have my people, and I crave my introvert life. But I see the other Pez Dispenser Girls out there, and I want them to find their circle. Enjoy a tight-knit, legit friend group. Get that tribe.
Today probably isn’t that day. I won’t stop praying, though.
While we wait, Pez Girl, don’t let that sweetness inside of you run out. Be sure to take care of you. Don’t be afraid to create boundaries. Those takers don’t have as many emergencies as they think. They’re just used to you showing up every time the taker yells “fire.”
If my words pinch a bit, why? Are you the giver who is in need of a friendship bank deposit? Or, are you a taker who sees things are off balance and one-sided?
Either way, my prayer group is on the task.
Because too much Pez gives a taker a stomach ache.
And the Pez Dispenser becomes empty.
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I’m a clean and wholesome small-town romance author who loves to encourage others. I enjoy letting readers know where to find other authors. My OG blog features authors with their new releases.
If you love Historical Romance, Linda Shenton Matchett has a new release, Ivy’s Inheritance. I hope you check it out!