The Spiritual One Night Stand
To Be Honest Do Holiday Church Services Measure Up?
Years ago I remember sitting at an event filled with people who had Christian faith in common. We talked about an annual event our church held that really became a tradition each Easter. Someone in authority asked what I thought about it that particular year.
I asked if I could ask questions before offering an answer.
At the time, I believed anyone impacted by the production would raise their hand, and then everyone would clap and go to their vehicle.
Did we offer anything else? Did we have information available in case they needed prayer?
If they returned to our church for a service, was there any way they received information about who was who, what was what, and where was where?
Again, this was years ago, and I received a blank stare.
So my answer was, “So we just gave the equivalent of a spiritual one-night stand.”
This is most likely the raw authenticity that doesn’t have people running toward me. Being obedient is important to me, and I try to speak what God would have me say.
And I don’t think He’s about the song and dance. I think He’s about the nitty and the gritty.
I confess I was in the mix for a long time, making fun of the CEO’s. Have you heard of them? Not an executive, but a Christian/Easter Only. The only time you’d see people attend a church.
Age, growth, and hopefully maturity have changed my attitude. Now I try to think of these special visitors more than any other group. Do they truly matter to me? Do I just put on the “show” and forget about them? Do I consider their comfort level once a special event like a holiday service is over?
Because that’s a problem.
My heart beats to mentor. I long to see people live free in Christ, not religion, not a denomination, not in a person, most of all not me. Why? Because nothing else works. Addiction numbs, it does not bring freedom. I know. Relationships don’t bring freedom, not even healthy ones. I’ve studied the Bible, I’m constantly reading, and I’m living proof Christ is the answer.
Do people seeking answers, information, prayer, and direction know this when they attend a church? Too many report back that all they heard was what not to do, or that they were doing wrong. I’ve also heard some attended and felt no desire to change at all because everything is good and all roads lead to white robes and eternal cloud hopping.
All I know is if people who are not accustomed to a church atmosphere show up, that’s a brave and vulnerable thing. They need to be invested in because they aren’t a statistic, but because they are human. Don’t tilt your nose up if you find them messy, because sitting in a pew doesn’t make me less messy. We all fall short.
Here’s what I would do to avoid a spiritual one-night stand. And it’s on me to practice this. I’m not there.
I’d encourage the “regulars” to give up their seats, sit with new faces, and kindly greet them. Let them know you’re glad they are here. Learn names.
Don’t dismiss the cafe. That’s a ministry in my mind. When I feel vulnerable, I’m taking baby steps. Even as a “regular,” I’m sometimes overwhelmed, and I will leave the sanctuary and sit in the cafe. Really solid conversations happen there. Friendships are formed.
Keep it simple. Jesus wore a robe. He visited homes. He “supped” with friends. That meal wasn’t a quick one. They took time. I love when I see churches with home groups. Sure, Bible study is important, but don’t forget to connect. Learn about each other. Check in. Do life together. Everything doesn’t need to happen inside church walls. Honestly, I feel God is shifting things so less would take place within the walls. I’m ready for it.
Look for young people. If the church is mostly elderly, red flag warning. I’m 55. I should not be the main age group, nor anyone older than me. A growing Body has youth on its side. Children should be seen and heard. Teens should be welcomed and loved. Young adults should have a place to belong and not be the age group that falls through the cracks. I stand on 18-25 are the hardest years to navigate. They can be so much fun, yet full of regret. Are we as Christians doing anything about that consistently? I fall short here, and this is one of my favorite age groups.
Family matters. When I visit other churches for events, I look around. Are men present? Do they go up front for an altar call? Are their lives changed, or are the women spiritually holding it all together on behalf of the family? Do single moms have a place to find respite and love? How about divorced people? Widows? Are people with disabilities welcome? Is the building equipped for that? The stats I’ve learned about disability awareness in the Church is alarming. Shame on us.
I might be describing a perfection that doesn’t exist, but I know this much, I never forgot the face of the person when I said we were merely offering a spiritual one-night stand. Back then, I didn’t see follow-up or that any personal time was invested in visitors who trusted us not just to entertain them with a religious program during a holiday, but with their hurt, life, feelings, and prayer requests. They should not have to exhaust themselves to find out more. One-night stands ghost the other person, or put it out there, the communication will not be long-term.
With Easter behind us, if you visited a church and that’s not your norm, I hope you felt seen and loved, and invited to return. If you are a regular, did you meet anyone new? Have you reached out? Is there anything you can do better?
Trust me, I don’t write or speak anything because I have it figured out and mastered. As an introvert, I admit I slink in my chair and pray someone else rises so I don’t have to. But my heart is crying out that I do better.
Because a spiritual one-night stand is the last thing I want to give.
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This little space on Substack is my place where yes, I speak my truth in a fake world. It’s not always faith-related. In fact, I have beef with Pennsylvania, and I’ll be sharing soon. My other writing spaces are fiction. Writing has been my safe place and escape. Characters were my friends, and still are.
I have ten years in as a small-town romance author. My current series, Surrendering Hearts, is about the six Hart multiples and how they discover their identity as they try to find a love like their parents shared. Building Hearts, Book 3, Evan’s story, should be available soon.
I love to encourage others, especially authors. My OG blog features just that. This week I have Sarah Hanks with Whatever it Takes. I hope you check her out!
Lastly, I love to connect across social media. My latest love is Threads. If you love outdoor pictures, I am a sunset girl and have those pix on IG. Check me out on Link Tree and please say hello. I’m really glad you’re here.